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6 Ways How To Calm Down When You're Angry

What do you do when you get angry? You must know the answer to that question. Because it is a vital question that every person has to address if they're actually going to be able to stop themselves from getting angry. 

In this article, we're going to talk about how to calm down when you're angry. You can't calm down if you don't know how you get angry first. That's important. So, as we go through this article, we're going to understand anger a little bit more. And we're going to understand calmness a little bit more. And then 

I want to share with you 6 suggestions for how to calm down instead of being angry. You don't have to be angry. The fact that you are watching this article right now is a great sign. Because that says to me that you're not okay staying that way. That being angry isn't the way that you want to handle your problems. There are a lot of other ways to handle problems. So, let's talk about those. 

In fact, our problems can be better handled if we are calm. So, how do we get calm? Let's talk about that. So, you need to know how you get angry, what do you do? Do you seclude yourself and not talk to anybody and not make eye contact? Do you raise your voice and raise the roof? Do you instill fear in people? Do you get aggressive? Even physically aggressive maybe sometimes? Are those choices that you have made in the past when you feel the anger boiling inside of you? What does it feel like when that anger is boiling inside? See, for me, I know that it feels like a knot in the pit of my stomach. And it feels like if I just shoot darts out my mouth at somebody or say something really hurtful or scream then that knot will be released and technically it kind of is released at that time. 

Because what happens chemically in the brain with the release of the endorphins that come from that exertion of producing that anger and that added emotion actually does cause a temporary calm. But it's a chemical calm. It's a fake calm. It's not the type of calm where the person shows it. They're in control and they think clearly the whole way through. And they can solve a problem in it. It's the type of calm that comes after the person got a chemical and didn't solve their problem properly. 

Before you get to yelling or aggression or isolation, do you clench? Do you think a certain thought is in your mind? Is there and knot in the peeve of your stomach? What happens you have to know that? That's step number 1. If you know that then you can have a trigger to stop yourself from going all the way to anger. That first sensation that you get is your trigger. That is going to be the thing that helps you the very most in choosing calmness instead of anger. Getting angry is definitely a choice. But the good news is calmness is a choice too. 

You can choose either one. So, why not just choose calmness. This article is designed to target adults and helping adults with their anger, specifically parents but with these same skills that we're going to discuss, these 6 suggestions will work for a person of any age. There are really great ways to help our children choose calmness too. We can teach them all of these 6 suggestions that we're going to go over here. But there's also a skill set that we teach to our children in a book called Parenting: 

A House United. I know it looks a little intimidating. But there is a lot of great skill sets in here. And in my course which is a little bit easier to digest, I think for helping parents conquer our anger and choose calmness and help our children also choose calmness instead of anger as well. So, these are the 6 suggestions for choosing calmness at that moment where we could choose anger. 

Number 1, recognize calmness is a choice and make a decision now that that is going to be your new choice. And if you ever don't choose it, stop yourself the moment you've recognized you're not choosing calmness. Tell yourself to stop and do not start talking again until you're calm and you're thinking clearly about the words you have planned to say. 

That brings me to suggest number 2 which is to make a plan. The key to following through with making any kind of personal change goal that we have is to plan before the moment occurs when we're going to need the skill. So, this means that I'm going to choose calmness instead of anger at a time when I am not about to get angry. In fact, probably multiple times when I'm not about to get angry, I need to go through in my mind and maybe even act out what I'm going to do if I feel that first hint of anger coming on. Remember, the clenched fists or teeth the thought that comes into your head like they never care. Whatever it is that pops into your body and that's the first indicator that you're going to start to be angry. As soon as you get that, you will go into your plan. If you've thought about it and practiced it when it wasn't a time that you actually needed it. 

Suggestion number 3 is to tell yourself to stop talking. You do not have to say something immediately. I think people feel like because they're in a circumstance or an interaction with another person where that person might be talking that they are required to also talk. They're not. That's not the truth. They can choose whether to talk or whether or not to talk. But it's best to tell yourself to stop talking. You've got to evaluate what's going on inside of yourself and unless you pull back and stop for a second, you're going to say something or do something that you'll end up regretting. And why not interact with no regrets? 

Suggestion number 4, have a calm down place. Every person needs to have a place to get calm or a plan for how they will get calm. Some people sit in a rocking chair and rock. Some people dig in the dirt for a minute while they think. Other people pray or sing. Some people go to their room and ponder. You need to have a place that you have designated as your calm-place. 

Now, ideally, a calm place can be just a place you go to in your mind where you just get calm in your mind because you can't always have your rocking chair with you strapped to the top of the car when you go to the office or you're at a family party, right? But to start with, if you need the rocking chair or the dirt to dig in... And that's fine. It sure is better than having some sort of an anger room which happens to be a new trend that's happening around the world where people go and just let all their anger out. That's not going to help anybody learn to be calm or be more in control. 

In fact, if anything it would make a person feel entitled to lose control and be angry with other people. And if they didn't have someone to pay to get angry at, which is what these anger rooms are for, that what might they do to a real person? That's a dangerous trend. No, we need to empower ourselves and the people around us that calmness is one of our choices. We can pick it and feel amazing because we did. But first, we need to know a baby step where's a good place for us to go to get calm. So, for me, it's always been to my room. 

Sometimes my closet even. I'll go into my walk-in closet and I kneel there. And I pray and I talked to God about it. And I sing. And I bring truth and light. I start declaring the things I know to be true. And then I plan for how to handle the situation after. Now, I have to be honest with you. I very rarely ever have to go to my closet anymore for that calmness. Because I have a habit of calmness, it's something I've trained myself to do. And I know that if I can do it being as strong-willed as I am that really anybody can. 

Suggestion number 5 is to tell yourself the truth. Just like I mentioned. When I'm in my place that's my calm place, I tell myself the truth. The truth is that person doesn't want to hurt me. They're frustrated right now. The truth is I know I don't want to hurt them or say anything that I would regret. The truth is I'm their parent. And it's my job to do the teaching. The truth is they're a learner and it's their job to do learning. So, then how do we get everybody to a place where they can be their proper roles? They can be teachers and learners and have a healthy good interaction instead of something that's going to lead to a power struggle? Which obviously anger would do. 

That brings me to suggestion number 6. Which is to plan out the words you will say exactly. In fact, when I was doing treatment foster care for troubled youth ages 12 to 18 for several years, I took recipe cards and I wrote down word-for-word what I would say when I was going to correct my children or when they were out of control, how I was going to help them get calm and get back in control without losing my calmness at the same time. 

I had to have a plan I wrote down the exact words, I planned the exact skills that I needed. And then I did not deviate from the script. I thought they would think I was nuts looking at these cards to parent them. Instead of just being so smooth and saying the best parenting language off-the-cuff. I mean, after all, I was getting paid to have them come to my home. But I was wrong. They didn't think that I was a buffoon in parent land. They actually had more respect for me. 

They felt like it was fairer somehow that I was governing myself if they were being taught to govern themselves. They trusted me because they knew I was not going to pull away from that script and say something that I would regret. I had to hold to that script for almost a good year before I had trained myself not to say the first thing that comes to my mind anymore. 

But instead, to say what I had planned. The words we choose have a lot to do with whether we can maintain our calmness goal or not. We must plan those words out carefully. Calmness is vital for self-mastery for peace and for really healthy good relationships with the people that we love. I want to help you more with that. 

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