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7 Steps Miracles How To Deal With A Child With An Attitude Problem

I used to be the master of attitude problems when I was probably around age 12, 13, 14. But then there was this time when I stopped having attitude problems because I started learning how to govern myself. It's really an amazing story. I got challenged by a neighbor to say okay and be okay every time my parents told me to do something or not to do something. I didn't think It would work. 

I took the challenge, and everything changed for me. At the end of it, I found freedom. Now, that doesn't mean I still can't have an attitude problem if I choose to. Or we should say "If I chose to". Because it's not something I choose to do anymore. But I understand attitude problems and what they're like. It's hard to deal with attitude problems. 

Especially when we're giving our all to our children and we're really hoping and trusting in that goodness that we see in there. So, this article is for you. If you know someone with an attitude problem, you've had one yourself or you're trying to help a friend who's got someone they're dealing with an attitude problem. 

Ingredient Number 1 Attitude

In this article, we're going to examine what really constitutes an attitude problem. And then we're going to discuss the 7 ingredients for dealing with attitude problems. So, what is an attitude problem? What does it look like? People say your attitude is your number 1 thing that creates a successful person. So, if you have a good attitude and can-do, optimistic attitude, that's going to be one of your number 1 indicators that you are going to be a success at almost everything you touch. 

So, what's an attitude problem then? An attitude problem is when a person is pessimistic, selfish, doesn't care, puts up walls, back talks, makes fun of what you're telling them, doesn't respect authority. Those are all attitude problems. The most commonly occur with children in their teenage years. However, I've seen attitude problems in toddlers. 

Those attitude problems are probably learned by their parents or maybe television problems or something that they watch. Or maybe television programs or something that they watch. Because usually, children that are really young like that don't adopt attitude problems. They usually feel that they are smaller than their parents and that they need their parents' help. When they manipulate, they usually go to whining and crying being a victim. 

Unless someone has taught them that they get to rule the roost. Or that's it's even maybe funny that they're trying to rule the roost. remember, we do teach our children sometimes how to behave to us by how we respond to their behavior. What is an attitude problem do to relationships? When somebody has an attitude problem, the other person in the relationship immediately feels disrespected. They feel like they're not understood. 

They feel like that other person might be even out to get them. It feels like you're dealing with someone who has maybe a bit of narcissism even sometimes. Attitude problems disregard relationships. That's what we need to remember. So, even if we think we're so clever in the way that we can retort back to another person or really good at arguing, say. Or finding fault in what somebody else is saying. Remember, the act of doing that is charitable and it shows disregard for the person and the relationship. Attitude problems are essentially temper tantrums. 

Sometimes temper tantrums for people that are a little bit older. They're just as aggressive as anger. The thing is they just have this appearance of maybe being somewhat poised or calm from time to time. It's trying to come across as strong to dominate a conversation. 

These are the 7 ingredients that we need to keep in mind for dealing with people with attitude problems. Number 1, we have to pre-teach for success. This means that we've got to prepare the person to have another skill-set. If we're tired of that person bring out the same attitude problem again and again and again, how about we tell them the way they could communicate with us to get more of what they want. Or to be better understood. 

That's what my friend's mother did for me when she challenged me. She said, "Nicholeen, have you ever thought of just saying okay?" And I said, "That would never work. That's what they want me to say." Then she said, "No, really. I bet if you go home and every time they tell you to do something or not to do something, you say okay and be okay, then you get almost anything you want." Why had no one ever told me that before? Why did no one else ever pre-teach me for success, tell me the skills that I needed to reach my goal and with my relationships. I wanted close relationships with my parents. But I also wanted to be understood and taken seriously. And I didn't always feel like I was. And when it came right down to it, it actually was my fault. 

Ingredient Number 2 Which Is Skills

The person who is learning how to control their attitude problem cannot make any change if you don't give them a new skill. My parent didn't give me any of the skills to communicate with them, be understood, and still feel like I had my dignity. I always felt like I had to bend to their wishes and that no one would understand. 

That's how I process it in my mind. I'm sure it looks so different when I was 13 and 14 years old. But when my neighbor told me the one skill. "Nicholeen, every time they tell you to do something or not to do something say okay and be okay." One little skill recognizes what they're doing and then says okay and be okay. Just pick it. Changed everything for me. I realized I could pick it. I started picking it. And my life has never been the same since. 

Ingredient Number 3 Is Calm Corrections

When a person has an attitude problem, they want to fight. I you fight with them, that validates them for having that attitude problem, for being so frustrated at you. For thinking the thoughts inside their head like you don't care, you don't understand, you don't know. 

Those are the things that a person with attitude often thinks. You might think, "I don't care. I don't want to waste my time with you. You don't understand me." So, we have to correct them because it's our role as parents. But we can do it calmly. If we gave to a fight, then that dialogue that happened in their head becomes true. No power struggling. Just calm corrections. 

Which means you've got to know the right words to say. Once you've corrected your child that has an attitude problem if they are still choosing to have that attitude problem and they don't choose to get calm at that point. Then you've got to have another skill up your sleeve. In fact, it's not really up to your sleeve. It's like on the top of your sleeve because every single thing that we do with our children, they know. 

They know every word I'm going to say in a correction before I ever say it. If they go completely out of control, they know I will do something called the rule of 3. That's the next ingredient. Now, you don't use the rule of 3 on a really tiny child. We have calmed down place and we then do a correction afterward. 

Ingredient Number 4

We give a pre-teach and instruction and then a correction 3 times. It's super merciful because it tells the child ahead of time multiple times what's going to happen next, what they could earn if they don't make a certain choice. The child knows ahead of time. You have pre-taught them what this thing is. 

They have practiced being the parent role while you're the child role when you've role-played it together. They know this thing. And this is a series of words that is done with love and understanding even though they are going out of control. 

Ingredient Number 5 Which Is Look At Them With Love And Understanding

When you"re talking to them, probably doing the rule of 3 to help them choose to go from the emotional part of the brain to the logical prefrontal cortex part of the brain which is what the rule of 3 is the best at, you want to be looking at that child with love and care. Don't be trying to deconstruct their arguments or debate with them. If they talk back to you, if they say, "I don't care. You don't love me." Don't say, "Yes, I do love you, honey. I do.." No. Nope. We just look at them and we say, "I know you want to tell me something. 

You want to talk right now about how we're communicating. I want to know what that is. I want to hear you. But we can't choose to talk yet." We can't talk about this until we are calm. That's a rule I have. I look at them with love and I tell them, "We'll understand this, we'll talk more about it when we're calm. And then if they keep arguing when you've presented the logical best solution.

Because you can't ever get to a place that resolves a conflict or a problem if you are in the mid or back brain. Those are totally emotional places. You can't fix anything there. The only place you can fix something is when you're in the front brain. So, you've got to move them there. So, just look at them with love. Be understanding while you're doing the teaching. 

Ingredient Number 6 Only Describe What's Happening. 

Don't react to anything. So, if they say start saying mean words to you because they're angry, if they start ignoring you, just describe. Say, "Right now, I'm talking to you. And you're not looking at me. And you're not keeping a calm face, voice, and body. So, I see you're choosing not to follow instructions right now." Because there are 2 of these steps to following instructions. And then just describe what they should do. 

What you should do is choose to do all 5 steps to following instructions which are to look at the person, keep a calm face, voice, and body, say okay, or ask to disagree appropriately. Do the task immediately and then check back. Anyway, I would go on from there. But I always just describe. I don't have any reactions. I just stay calm myself. That's going to be the best help to help them out of their attitude problem. I can't have one. 

Ingredient Number 7 Don't Take Things Personally. 

Don't take things personally. The attacks that they're shouting at you are just chemical. Could you just tell yourself that? Say, "That's chemical." You don't have to tell them that's chemical. That doesn't help. Not in that minute. But just think, "That's just chemical right now. They're going to back brain right now." Or "They're definitely sliding through mid-brain right now." And they're just saying anything and everything to try to distract from their responsibility in this situation. 

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