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How Family Bonding Is Necessary For Happiness In Life

Hi! I'm Nicholeen and I am the Self-Government lady. Which means I teach people all over the world how to govern themselves. Well, there's an important part of self-government that many people don't recognize and that is the environment that the person is raised in. And the bonds that exist in that family environment are crucial.

They are necessary for future happiness in the life of that person. So, that's what this article is all about today, how family bonding is necessary for happiness in life. Everyone wants closeness in their family relationships. But I think if you surveyed people, you would find that a large percentage of people don't feel that closeness on a day-to-day basis.

Well, that closeness, that feeling of bonding that happens is something that gives a feeling of security, gives you a feeling of well-being like everything is going okay. It actually helps form your very identity. Did you know that? Our families form our identity. Now, some of you are saying, "Oh, no. I have not had a good family life."

In fact, I finally broke out of that. It still forms your identity. And there's not a whole lot that we can do about that. We can choose that we want to take on different characteristics. We can choose that we want to solve our problems differently than our family did. But we are always connected to them.

No matter how far we run, we are always connected to the people who made us who we are. When we see something that we think is true, we look at it through the lens of our family first. That is the power that a family has on forming our thoughts ideas and feelings about ourselves and who we are.

If mother and father love each other and if they serve and love their children, then the children in the family have this feeling of service, contentment, being valued. That is how a family bond strengthens us and our futures. So, families can lead to function or they can lead to dysfunction in our lives. So, if a family has a good function, that means everybody feels like they're part of the group, they're pitching in together, they're loving, serving supporting, caring about each other.

Then that person who is the product of that family is usually more functional. If the family bonds are dysfunctional, if they're selfish, manipulative, controlling, or maybe even too permissive, too lenient; that also damages family bonds. Then those people usually end up having other dysfunctional relationships in the future. That's the power of the bond that happens in our families.

Let's talk about what happens when a person doesn't have a good bond in their family. If you don't have a good bond in your family, then you could feel overwhelmed or burdened because you can feel lonely and lost. Sometimes there's confusion. People say, "Family is the best thing in life, how come mine doesn't feel that way?" There are a lot of things that can occur when a person does not have that strong family bond. Other negative things that occur are things like feeling devalued.

Many people question their value nowadays. And I often wonder, "Why is that? Did their parents put so much pressure on them? Was their home life competitive? Did they feel like they had to prove themselves with their siblings?" Because that's not good bonding. If so, maybe that's why they don't feel like they have a very good value.

Another negative effect of not having a good bond in your family is this feeling of being disconnected. You could be sitting in a room with people that you know are your family and you know you love them but somehow, you just feel disconnected from them. So now, let's talk about what we can do to improve that family bond. I could make a very large list of all of the things that could help with you bonding better with your family. 

So, the first thing is you need to have a feeling of peace in your home. Everything needs to be okay. No matter what happens, you have to decide I accept that that happened. "I'm okay with it." And you need to tell yourself to drop the subject, to stop worrying about it. That's probably one of the key things that you can do.

Sometimes when you notice relationships are not going right, you keep thinking about it again and again and again. Especially when you're with the other person that you're not having a good relationship with. You need to decide "It can improve, it can get better, I'm going to drop the subject and stop thinking about what I did wrong or what they did wrong.

We're going to start over right now." And if you have to go to them and say, "I think we should start over. We had a problem." Then go ahead. But not everybody can accept that and you know if they're in a position to actually accept that or not. This brings me to another key thing that can help strengthen your bond which is open communication.

So, if you are planning your family right now and you've got young children and you're trying to decide how can we have a great bond in our family then open communication is one of the keys. And when I say open communication, I don't mean emotionally dumping on each other. That is different. Open communication is when we problem-solve together. When we talk about what's going on but we do it in a way that's productive and that keeps the other people in mind.

Once a person starts to just dump on everybody else, then everyone feels ill-used and worn out, and burdened by that person. So, you have to find a way to communicate openly and not abuse other people. There's a skill our family has that we use called disagreeing appropriately.

The disagreeing appropriately skill has 7 steps in it. It's the type of skill where you could share anything with your family members, they are ready to listen but you are not necessarily trying to start a fight with them or trying to get attention from them because of the problem that you have or the issue that you want to resolve.

This 7-step process is a seek to understand, then to-be-understood-type process. So, you look at the person, you keep a calm face, voice, and body. You say that "May I disagree appropriately with you?" Or you say, "I know that there's something we need to disagree about right now and I would like to do it appropriately."

Then you listen to what the other person has to say. And even if they don't agree with you, even if they say, "Well, I don't care. I'm not doing it." Or whatever. At that point, you say, "Okay." Because you can't force another person to do something your way. You can only have control over yourself. That's one of the hallmark principles of self-government. 

Which is what I'm known for. So, what you then do is drop the subject. You say, "Okay. I didn't convince them. They don't agree with me. But I don't have to take that personally." And you drop the subject. You let it go.

So, skills are vital. In my teaching self-government course, we talk about four basic skills that all people need to know especially when you're teaching your children self-mastery. And we talk about 5 teaching skills or styles is which I usually call them that parents need to know so that they can problem-solve things without taking things personally as well. 

All of these skills are wrapped around the ideas of self-government and calmness. That's what you need to have a good bond with your family. Self-government, meaning every person takes ownership of their own behaviors and works on them and calmness. And there are ways that you can point people in that direction. I could talk so much more about this. And I do have more for you.

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