Skip to content Skip to sidebar Skip to footer

How To Discipline Your Kid With 3 Effective Easy Steps

In this article, we're gonna talk about how to discipline your kid with 3 easy steps. I have 4 children that I have raised, in fact, my baby right now is 17 so they're all getting a little bit older but for years, I also took in treatment foster children and they were all between the ages of 12 and 18 and I was supposed to help them lots of challenges.

Well, some of those challenges included things like having dishonesty problems, anger control issues, had some contention, there were some habits that they had to break and I had to properly correct them so that they could overcome these problems. I had to help them pave a new path, so in this article, I'm going to talk about 3 things that I repeatedly did. 

I'm talking about it again and again, and as a bonus, if you stay with me until the end, I'm also gonna share with you some additional tips that you can use if a child happens to go out of control and how to prepare them for success so that you don't have to use these correction steps as often. Step number 1 is to describe. Now, this is the opposite of reacting. 

So often when a child does something disobedient or rude or frustrating, parents will react with statements like what are you doing? Why did you do that? Don't you know better than this, and things like that? But those types of reactions immediately get people on the defensive, they put up walls and people start to retreat instead of a bond. When you correct your children, it should be a bonding experience. 

In fact, I always tell people when I do my speaking and my seminars that you should feel closer to your child during and after a correction than you did before. Does that make you go hmm, like is that even possible? The answer is yes. It is possible. In fact, throughout all of my years of working with troubled children as well as youth groups at my church and in my community, I can tell you that correcting a child can be a positive, uniting experience. It does not have to be something that creates distance in your relationship and it starts with a good description. 

So what does that description sound like? It basically sounds like a brief story, almost bullet point like of what just happened. Now in teaching self-government parenting program, I teach 4 basic skills for children. They're following instructions, accepting "no" answers and criticism, accepting consequences, and disagreeing appropriately. 

They each have steps attached to them so they are skill sets. So, possibly I would be pointing out one of the steps of these skills in my description of something that needs to be corrected. So a description would sound like this. Just now I gave you an instruction. 

Now, remember they know the 5 steps for how to follow instructions. So I'm gonna describe what they did or what happened. So you looked at me, which is great, that's the first step, but then you did not keep a calm face, voice, and body which is the 2nd step.

Now when you choose not to keep a calm face, voice, and body, then you are showing me that our relationship needs some help and we've got to get ourselves back to calmness. So step number 1 is to describe. So that brings us to step number 2. I talk about calming children and calming ourselves. So many things that you might find useful as you're working on improving your correction skill. 

Step number 2 is to explain what the child should have done. Now, again you see there is no emotional reaction in any of this. It's all very logical. In fact, there's a reason for that. If I stay in the logical pre-frontal context of my brain, then guess where my child starts to go? To the logical pre-frontal context of their brain. 

Then we can have a good productive discussion and even pave a way for future good behaviors, but if we go to the emotional parts of our brain, then all of a sudden we shut down and we don't learn, that's just what happens with our brains. So what you explain is what you should've done and it sounds very simple. 

What you should've done is you should've kept a calm face, voice, and body, then said okay or asked to disagree appropriately, do the task immediately, and then check back. So just explaining exactly what they should've done gives them the next steps in their brain about what they've got to do to fix this problem. Step number 3 is to explain what they've earned. 

Now I know that term may seem unusual for you but when I talk about what a child has earned or chosen to earn or maybe just chosen, I'm talking about the negative consequence. So in our family, we keep the negative consequences very simple and non-emotional, also non-punitive and non-reactive. 

So we don't want to be vindictive. If our child has done something wrong, we don't need to make them hurt, we just need to teach them cause and effect. So remember, I teach everything through the lens of self-government. Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them. 

So this means a person understands cause and effect and self-motivates themself based on what they are observing about their own behaviors. So when we talk about what a person has earned, we're talking about what did you choose? What effect happened because of the cause of action you created, and they take full ownership. They have to or they can't learn self-government. 

To go through this whole process of these 3 steps plus the bonuses that I'm going to share with you, a person has to have a skill set called how to accept a consequence. They need to know that skill set. This is one of the 4 basic skills that we teach. So, you would tell them because you chose not to follow the instruction or whatever it is that you're correcting them for, you have chosen to earn an extra chore. 

We always use an extra chore for something very basic like this that we would be correcting multiple times a day because work is the antidote for a sick character and we know that when a person chooses to work, then they are choosing to take action to solve their problem instead of just having something done to them. If we just take things away or hurt them or yell at them, they do not get the opportunity to accept their consequence which means they can't learn self-government. 

It will just be about trying to please you or not having you fall off the emotional cliff and they will turn to manipulation and working the system instead of turning toward self-mastery and controlling and regulating themselves which is much more powerful. Now, do you want a bonus? So here's some bonus content for you. 

Normally when I do a correction for my children, it's actually 7 steps, not 3. So, a basic, basic correction meaning not including any teaching really includes those 3 steps that we've just covered which describe what happened, describe what should've happened, and then allow them to accept what they've earned, right? But there's more, so it leads to a productive teaching moment when you do a proper correction. 

So after I tell them what they've earned, they say okay because that's one of the steps to accepting a consequence. I praise them for that, that's right, I praise them. In fact, during the latter part of this correction, I'm gonna be praising them probably about 5 times because remember a person should feel closer to their child during and after a correction than they even did before. 

This should be a great bonding experience. This should be role as a parent and then living their role as the child which is learner, right, and you are a teacher. So what I do is I say now we're gonna do some practices. Let's practice doing that same situation that just occurred again and after that, we will do the other 2 role play practices and make sure that we get that calm face, voice, and body down and do all of the other steps, those 5 steps to the following instruction. 

So then we do role-play practice together. It's absolutely beautiful and every time they look at me, they keep a calm face, voice, and body, anytime they do those steps, I am praising them and say you're looking right at me, you're keeping a calm face, voice, and body. You did all 5 steps to following an Instruction, great job. High five! So we are praising throughout the entire thing and then we do 3 other role plays where there's more opportunity for praise. 

Well right there we've got 4 praises so then when my child gets the opportunity to go and do the extra chore that they happened to earn for their negative consequence and they come to check back because that's the last step of accepting a consequence, then I get to praise them again. 

Now, this practice of doing it the right way is gonna prepare them for future success so that they don't have increased problems. Now I know there's somebody out there watching this who's thinking yeah, my child? No way are they gonna do that process. 

Post a Comment for "How To Discipline Your Kid With 3 Effective Easy Steps"