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Is Having A Loving Family An Unfair Advantage?

Having a loving family is an unfair advantage what do you think I mean after all social science does show through studies that children who come from families with loving mothers and fathers have greater gains academically socially they have better health less poverty less legal problems hmm it sounds pretty compelling that the answer may be definitely they have advantages but is it unfair.

In this article, I'll show you many advantages that loving families have and some ways to help you have a more loving family so what constitutes a loving family in loving family members are committed to each other the family communicates.

well to each other they have compassion understanding love and principles that are the basis of the truth that they all accept together as a family that's what it really means to be loving husbands and wives would not divorce if their family was loving since that's the case we have to assume that one of the best places to look for statistics or data about the benefits of a loving family is from data done about intact families.

Because it's hard for social scientists to determine well if that family is really happy or not are they compassionate and understanding or not what are they telling us do we know it's true it's hard to really know if they've got concrete evidence but if you study intact families versus not intact families then you know one group is likely loving and the other group is likely not so that's some of the data that I'd like to share with you today I want to talk about what does science show us about having a happy family and then.

We're going to talk about how to make sure we can have happy loving families of our own loving families positively affect children and adults yes adults so how are adults affected by a loving family well obviously they're hopefully not getting divorced but do you know they're more productive I get the opportunity sometimes to do family training parenting teaching self-government training for big corporations and organizations in fact sometimes when they bring me in to talk to their groups I'll ask them why would this software company this fortune 500 software company want to bring me in to talk about parenting to their employees well the head of the company said Nicoline we need you because we know that if our employees have good family relationships.

Then they'll do better at work they'll get along better with people in the office it's true they will be happier overall and have a better sense of well-being and guess what it's true adults are greatly impacted by having a loving family environment and big businesses smart organizations know it they invest the time and sometimes even the money to have somebody come and help their employees their leaders in the industry have better lives overall so that then the business is even better now something is interesting about these business leaders.

These people who perform better in business and have happier families did you know that their capacity expands even more even further than family and business they serve in their churches they serve in their communities on school boards and other things they have an incredible capacity to do good because they're freed from any drain from their home life so what about the children we know that adults have a great impact from having a loving family but what about children well there are a lot of studies that show the effects of children in intact families versus children is not intact families.

So that means that children who have mothers and fathers who no longer love each other and the impact that that has on the children versus the children who the parents are committed to each other and there's enough love there that at least keeps the family intact and going maybe we can't determine exactly how loving they are in every single home but this gives us a gauge there's a group of scientists social scientists from the Mari institute and they have done a lot of research and I am going to be reading some of their research to you today.

That' you can find a lot of social science that relates to families and religion as well this is what they say divorce wreaks havoc on the psychological stability of children that's true isn't it divorce makes children feel worried vulnerable anxious not stable they also said children from divorced families died almost five years earlier on average than children from intact families that's amazing to me that they even studied that so I guess over the course of a person's life if they had an intact family they lived longer that amazes me children raised in intact married families tend to earn higher grades than those in non-intact families.

Now that one you might have heard before but it is true higher grades and more achievements academically overall the Mari institute also says children from intact married families have the highest high school graduation rate and are more likely to gain more education after graduating from high school than those from other family structures so that means they are on the track to great knowledge purpose potentially leadership Mari also says children from intact families exceed their parent's educational attainment by 2.8 years for daughters and 2.5 years for sons so if a parent had some college their child's probably going to finish.

If a parent finished with a bachelor's degree and they have an intact family then the child is probably going to go on after that and get additional education or probably go into a more specialized field interesting all from having an intact family or a loving home environment and I think we should say loving and committed home environment because when a couple stays together they are committed to each other and that commitment is a big message of loyalty and priorities for those children.

Which keeps them on a really good course the Mari institute also says that first grade students born to married mothers are less likely to behave disruptively interesting so they're less likely to disobey a teacher or be aggressive with other children than those born to single mothers or cohabitating mothers interesting that they studied that so the behavior of the child their attitude towards school it goes on to talk about are all positively impacted by having mothers who are married to the fathers of the children may also say persons raised in divorced families tend to have less positive attitudes toward marriage and more positive attitudes toward divorce this negative attitude about marriage leads to decreased commitment to romantic relationships.

Which in turn is related to lower relationship quality divorce can also affect children's sexual behavior thereby comprising emotional and relational stability so that means that children can suffer in their future adult life in many ways they can have a lot of damaged relationships unfulfilled sexual relationships all because their family wasn't loving that's amazing to me here's another one for you the family environment with the lowest risk ratio for physical abuse is the intact married family children are less likely to be abused if it's a loving family I guess that should be a no-brainer but with how much emphasis people put on childhood abuse.

Nowadays I hope that they should put equal if not more emphasis on teaching the population to value intact families and to try to have intact committed family relationships so people living in loving families definitely have advantages I think we've established that but is it unfair is it an unfair advantage no because life's not fair there really isn't fair in anything some people get dessert every night I don't that is unfair some people get more chocolate breaks I don't that's unfair some people are rich others are not that's unfair but life isn't fair so are their advantages yes is it unfair I guess.

So I guess it's unfair because life is not fair so I think the biggest question we need to be asking ourselves is how do we make a loving family what are some of the things that we can do to create a loving family of our own let's talk about that we can learn some lessons from people who have loving families one of those lessons is family is about loyalty it's about being committed to a group of people also loving families don't sweat the small stuff you know how some people say pick your battles I mean there is a true principle there they don't take things personally when someone makes a mistake they keep a bigger picture of where they're going where is your family going.

Who are you becoming surely that has to be more important than who forgot to get their chore done that morning or who didn't wake up on time to pick up somebody for carpool surely you are becoming a group of people that is more about where you're headed than about some little bump in the road that happened today don't sweat the small stuff don't take things personally don't be emotional that's one way to create loving family relationships loving families maintain focus on where they're headed to so in our family we create a family vision this vision is a picture of the future of where.

We're headed and then we have meetings every week where we help to maintain that focus we talk about who we're becoming as a family and what we need to do to fine-tune our family relationships our communication maybe we even just talk about fun things we want to do together as a family instead of the problems all those things are part of having good family dialogue in what we call family meetings loving families take time for each other which means here's the bad news they have to turn off their devices my daughter recently got engaged now she has always had her device ready.

If I text her she would text pack fairly quickly but since she's been engaged and the guy that she's getting married to is not so much of a technology guy when he's with people which I love she doesn't give back to me in a split second anymore I might send her a text and I might have to wait for a while I like that makes me happy that means she's putting the focus on her relationships that she should they're developing a good strong bond with each other that's what people do when they start families they put everybody else in the world aside.

Why then after a little while do we start bringing in all the technology and putting that first every night instead of our spouses and our children and their needs those are bad trends we've got to work hard to deliberately overcome them give ourselves no answers and not think about those devices put them away spend time with family to make sure that they have enough time together loving families put all of the society that's happening outside of the family second and the social that happens with the family or in the home first you know your family is a social group right.

You don't have to have friends every day your children don't have to be with friends every day because they already have friends at their house I told my children when they were little they would always ask can I play with a friend and I would say we can but not today but I want to play with a friend and I would say then you are in luck because I birthed you friends there are other people in this house that you can play with and there you go.

Oh that's true so put the social that's happening outside the home in second place for the digital in third place but put the family in first place priorities loving families have priorities loving families deliberately plan for success so this means they do it on purpose they don't just see what happens and they develop the skills that they need to reach that success plan as well in order to do this they've got to be constantly learning growing and analyzing that family 

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